Feeling lost. Can't afford Mom's care

Do not force elders to do what you think is best for them. You will sentence them to a horrible life of misery and and regret! They have difficulty standing up to your pressure. Your decisions may make you feel better, like you are taking care of their needs. But it may be the very worst thing you could do to them. They know what is best for them. What you want may be disastrous to them. And they will learn to hate you quickly for running their life with your decision! Many if these sites are working (are t9 get referrals for facilities , not necessarily what is best for your loved one. Ask yourself who is paying the consultant’s wages. Their employers have to get paid by someone who benefits the most with each placement. Even home care agencies stand to make money on providing services to your elder. They can offer some good information but are often limited to their knowledge of a particular facility, relying on public information they find on the internet which is not always accurate or up to date. Check out each place and do not be pressured into a quick decision. Get the fine print details directly! Remember, every facility needs a full residence and proactively promotes their place. Negative facts and issues will not be revealed! Try to speak with other residents and observe some activities to see how staff interacts with t(e residents. Check out state records that deal with patient official complaints. Beware of reviews from family. Only the positive things will be included so the facility can boast.see if your elder can spend a night or two as a guest before tearing their life apart and regretting the move when it is too late to fix it. If your elder is not going to have regular care from family visiting, beware. With lack of employees, the staff may give better care to those whose families make constant visits. The ones who have few if any visitors will be the latter patients to be cared for when staff is short and there is too little time to get to everyone. Maybe visit in the evening when the administrators have gone home and there is minimal or even inadequate staff to properly care for the residents. It happens more than the public knows and the staff is stretched too thin. Do your footwork before dumping an elder in a facility, especially if no one in your family is going to visit several times a week. No facility ever measures up to its advertisement hype!

ugh the money stuff is the worst. just wanted to share what helped us - we split up care between family (me and my sis) and only pay for care 2 days a week. not perfect but saves money. hang in there

im in the same boat. we've been trying to make it work with family helping out when they can. my sister comes on tuesdays and I do what I can around my work schedule. its not ideal but paying for full time care is just impossible rn. tried looking into medicaid but got so overwhelmed with all the forms and requirements. wish I had better answers for you but just know youre not alone in this mess

Been there and honestly still there. My mom needs more care than we can afford right now too. It sucks so bad. We did find some help through the VA since my dad served - took forever to figure out the paperwork but its helping some. Not enough but better than nothing I guess. Had to talk to like 5 different people before someone actually explained it right... typical government stuff lol. Still stressing about money every month but a little less now. If you want I can try to find the number of the person who finally helped us. They might know other programs too but I haven't had time to look into everything yet.

Have you contacted your local Council on Aging to see what resources/classes that may help? Maybe contacting an elder attorney. I would be very careful with a reverse mortgage.